I, for you

Say the words I cannot say,
say them on another day
fragile words like these will cut your tongue

Was I good enough? Was I, bad enough?
When I wanted more, yeah you had enough, girl.

But nobody's gonna try for you,
nobody's gonna do like I for you.
<3


Can't keep on loving you from a distance...

"My thrown together letters never end up as words" ~Uh Oh by Junior Doctor

so true...


Can't keep on loving you from a distance...

"What if we can't speak, what then shall I say?"~Chances by Air Supply


the thing about having free time in camp is that u suddenly have a lot of time 2 think bout things u regret doing/not doing.

There were so many chances for me that Saturday to confess to her. In the end I just delayed, and delayed, and delayed, and delayed. >.<

Chance #1: @the flowride while waiting for our turn.
There were like 20+ of us vying for two lanes of flowride so definitely there was time for us to chit chat. Furthermore she broke her nail and I summore decided to sit there with her for a longer time before I played every round. I did tell myself to confess at that point, but seeing how many people were around, I told myself "maybe later". -.-

Chance #2: @the beach while others were playing.
Now there's no one there extremely near us to listen to our convo, and it had the perfect view too! And I swear, it's the first time I really genuinely could look into her eyes, with the words already at the tip of my mouth. But it just wouldn't wanna open up! When it did, it could only conjure up talking about our lives, that's all. haiz... T.T

Chance #3: @chinatown
Now we're physically far away from the rest already, just the two of us. But then we were busy searching for what food to eat that the topic never really started at all.

Chance #4: In the bus
This was the time we didn't really have too much to say already, which means it should be the chance to say it now, right? WRONG! We were so tired, in fact I was so tired, I ended up closing my eyes first, then she did. Though it didn't take long before we opened our eyes again n started talking, none of the talk was related to what I really wanted to tell her.


You see, chances don't always come that easily. I had 4, at least 4, in one day n I took none. Really hope I don't come to regret this. The next chance. The next chance I'll tell her.

Then again, why am I holding back so much? Last night when I couldn't fall asleep, I found out why:
In the past I wasn't with you because I felt that age was a barrier. I couldn't get over wanting to date someone older than myself. But after BMT, seeing how my det mates and even my det sgt had girlfriends who are older than them, I gradually found it a natural thing, something that isn't wrong at all. Besides, there shouldn't be a barrier like age when it comes to such things as love. This was when I decided that I have to let u know what was really on my mind.

But now, what's really holding me back is the hot and cold feeling sometimes when I talk to you. Sometimes you sound like you really interested to talk to me, sometimes you sound like you wanna avoid me. What's funny is that whenever I wanted to tell u via sms, u sound like u shunning me. XD

Another thing holding me back is my own dilemma, of whether to tell u face to face or to tell u via sms. Telling u via sms, u at least won't be pressured to say "yes", but if I did so, would you feel dat it's insincere? I really don't know what to do...


Can't keep on loving you from a distance...

regrets~~~

Guess wad, I'm back! I've decided to make this place an uhh...place...to chronicle the most important things to me in my life, since I've already done so since, well, last posted. XD doubt it's really for anyone to enjoy to be honest, but if u wanna know how i'm feeling, sure thing. ;)

So, Saturday was one of the most fun days of my life so far. Even till now I still can't believe she accepted my invitation to come along to Wavehouse. A hint? or just me thinking too much again? :S Really hope it's the former~~~

Anyway so at Wavehouse, what was suppose to be everyone bringing one girl along turned out to be many guys from my army det and only two girls! >.< So no morals lor! Say must bring in d end all never bring >.< And so naturally, it was awkward for her to flowride with us luh. But that soon changed.

After much hesitation and coaxing XD, we both made our way to the flowride. As the saying goes, the first one is always the hardest and apparently so coz I could see in her face how awkward she's feeling luh! :S But once she got the first try out of the way and bring washed away by the waters XD, everything was WOOHOO from then on.

Oh but halfway through, her toenail was coming off so she stopped. Yes I wanted to play actually, but then seeing that she got injured because of an event I broughht her to, I myself started to lose my mood in playing as well, which is why I also wanted to just sit down there with her.

Anyway after the 1 hour flowride, the whole bunch of us went to the beach to just chillax. While the rest were ball gaming and frisbeeing, me and her just sat down there n chit chat all the way. Which was great I think. Really enjoyed talking to her. Somehow everytime I talk to her, there's this freedom and carefreeness in me that I've never really felt when I was talking to my ex. And to be honest, it's been like this since we were in sec sch~

Then we decided to dao the rest and go Old Airport Road. But rain seriously is a dampener max argh! In d end, we only had time to buy our Koi and got stuck in Chinatown. So we decided to just eat there. Hahax settled wiv snacks instead of proper meals even though we haven really had a proper meal ALL DAY XD XD XD. But at least the jiao zi were nice, and uhh filling (Y)

Then we took a long long way back home via 961. I may be a bit selfish, but it was just so that I could get more time to spend wiv her :P Surprisingly she agreed to it :)
But then I had to buy dinner home for my bro so didn't send her home all the way. Hopefully it aint gonna be a decision I will come to regret ba...

"so it's fate that brought y'all back to the same school again?"
"Yea it's fate."
When I said that, it was a mix of *hint hint* but also a bit of guilt, because at that point of time, it immediately made me recall the time when I was wiv my ex. Somehow it seemed too much of a coincidence that during that period of time when I was wiv my ex, from her blogs and smses she sounded like it was the lowest point of her life. That was when I felt my life's missing something, and I'm not going to get that feeling from my ex. This is something that has made me guilty for not being there when she was so down, and also something that I hope she can understand:

I've decided to move on to the next phase of my love life. And that person, is you.


Can't keep on loving you from a distance...