Doing this in class because I really cannot concentrate already. I am trying to but I really cant.

Why does it feel so much worse this time round? I thought because of the past few weeks I'd have prepared myself that this might happen. But no. It's pressing so hard in my heart now sometimes I really feel like puking this bad out.

I just cannot forgive myself that I caused all this. And from how u saw what I said even after it ended, I really dont know if you ever wanna talk to me ever again. Maybe you might be thinking that talking to me will just hurt me more.
Just very angry at myself for letting it reach this stage, till the point u r so afraid of me u have to privatise your last seen.
and very disappointed that it had to reach this stage. Did i really sin so bad? Why couldnt we work around this anymore? Why does it seem like we cant see things from the flipside of things and we're always thinking of the worst with every sentence each of us said? I know I dont have the right words to say but these are my true honest words. We are both still learning. Will separation really help us? Why cant we weather it together anymore?

I really have to pick myself up somewhere, somehow. Cant just let myself weep silently to sleep every night. This may be weakness in your eyes but this is the truth of what is happening. Very soon people will start to find out. They alr starting to ask why u sound so worringly different alr. But I dont want to tell everyone. Guess i still couldnt accept that it had to end up this way.

I dont even wanna close my eyes these days. Images of happy times cracking and breaking into pieces just keep coming back. I just cant help it. And for the very last image every night, one particular image pops out very distinctly. That look on your face when I appeared suddenly with a bottle of green tea and biscuits in my hand. I dont know, from what you are saying, that didnt make you happy either. Nothing during the past three months did. So it cracked as well. But this time it cracked and the image stayed very still there, as if to keep on reminding me that this was all my own thinking that u were happy only. Since then u were already not very happy~

I dont know, if you still do come here to read all this, it means u still do care right? You know coming here to read, you wont be reading stuff that is going to make yrself any happier, so there must be some deeper meaning to why u still want to, right?

I go back to my biggest qns here.
Why cant we weather this together anymore if we are both still learning?
Did we really sin that badly?
Is there really no love left in us at all anymore?

I dont know, I guess with the way I ended this and how things are going, I'll never know.

And i think this will be my last post here. If you really want to find out about me, you can come talk to me.

So at the very end of all my disappointment, XY, i truly hope u can find your happiness. Whether it is with me or not, I sincerely do hope you will. Dont give up on love just because of one guy who didnt know how to appreciate u at all.
You deserve better.

I love you.
No matter what happens in the future, that will never change.

Stay happy always, XY. Ily, i really do.




Can't keep on loving you from a distance...

Alvin no. 1 is not the direct opposite of Alvin no. 2. That wasn't a totally different person.
I just moved from being someone who willingly lets others control me to someone who wants to take control of his own life. Suppose to be part of a growing up, a maturing process.

Too bad time was not on my side. Too bad I spent so much time growing up, so much time learning. Too bad I singlehandedly wasted my opportunities time and again.
Too bad for me.


Can't keep on loving you from a distance...

Can't keep on loving you from a distance...