aLoOvI fAvYs!!!

Wednesday, July 02, 2014,

Doing this in class because I really cannot concentrate already. I am trying to but I really cant.

Why does it feel so much worse this time round? I thought because of the past few weeks I'd have prepared myself that this might happen. But no. It's pressing so hard in my heart now sometimes I really feel like puking this bad out.

I just cannot forgive myself that I caused all this. And from how u saw what I said even after it ended, I really dont know if you ever wanna talk to me ever again. Maybe you might be thinking that talking to me will just hurt me more.
Just very angry at myself for letting it reach this stage, till the point u r so afraid of me u have to privatise your last seen.
and very disappointed that it had to reach this stage. Did i really sin so bad? Why couldnt we work around this anymore? Why does it seem like we cant see things from the flipside of things and we're always thinking of the worst with every sentence each of us said? I know I dont have the right words to say but these are my true honest words. We are both still learning. Will separation really help us? Why cant we weather it together anymore?

I really have to pick myself up somewhere, somehow. Cant just let myself weep silently to sleep every night. This may be weakness in your eyes but this is the truth of what is happening. Very soon people will start to find out. They alr starting to ask why u sound so worringly different alr. But I dont want to tell everyone. Guess i still couldnt accept that it had to end up this way.

I dont even wanna close my eyes these days. Images of happy times cracking and breaking into pieces just keep coming back. I just cant help it. And for the very last image every night, one particular image pops out very distinctly. That look on your face when I appeared suddenly with a bottle of green tea and biscuits in my hand. I dont know, from what you are saying, that didnt make you happy either. Nothing during the past three months did. So it cracked as well. But this time it cracked and the image stayed very still there, as if to keep on reminding me that this was all my own thinking that u were happy only. Since then u were already not very happy~

I dont know, if you still do come here to read all this, it means u still do care right? You know coming here to read, you wont be reading stuff that is going to make yrself any happier, so there must be some deeper meaning to why u still want to, right?

I go back to my biggest qns here.
Why cant we weather this together anymore if we are both still learning?
Did we really sin that badly?
Is there really no love left in us at all anymore?

I dont know, I guess with the way I ended this and how things are going, I'll never know.

And i think this will be my last post here. If you really want to find out about me, you can come talk to me.

So at the very end of all my disappointment, XY, i truly hope u can find your happiness. Whether it is with me or not, I sincerely do hope you will. Dont give up on love just because of one guy who didnt know how to appreciate u at all.
You deserve better.

I love you.
No matter what happens in the future, that will never change.

Stay happy always, XY. Ily, i really do.

Can't keep on loving you from a distance...

09:55

Tuesday, July 01, 2014,

Alvin no. 1 is not the direct opposite of Alvin no. 2. That wasn't a totally different person.
I just moved from being someone who willingly lets others control me to someone who wants to take control of his own life. Suppose to be part of a growing up, a maturing process.

Too bad time was not on my side. Too bad I spent so much time growing up, so much time learning. Too bad I singlehandedly wasted my opportunities time and again.
Too bad for me.

Can't keep on loving you from a distance...

13:47

Dating or being in a relationship with an ENFP can be an eye-opening experience. People with this personality type are very imaginative, flexible, and enthusiastic, always coming up with new plans and ideas. Furthermore, ENFPs are very devoted and reliable partners, willing to do everything they can to make sure that the relationship is strong. That being said, every stick has two ends, and the ENFP personality type is no exception.

The main problem that ENFP personalities are likely to encounter when it comes to dating and relationships, is that they may find it quite tricky to remain focused on a clear goal. ENFPs are very spontaneous—careful, long-term planning is naturally difficult for them. This weakness may complicate their dating efforts and long-term romantic relationships as other personality types may see the ENFP as inconsistent or erratic, despite the fact the ENFPs tend to take their responsibilities very seriously.

That being said, the ENFPs’ devotedness comes with an important caveat. Most people with this personality type are constantly looking for new ideas and improvements; this is a great trait, but it must be kept in check when it comes to romantic relationships. Otherwise, the ENFP may start fantasizing about a better, different relationship soon after the first date or may keep pushing their long-term partner toward new things and experiments. Less mature ENFPs may constantly seek new experiences as a source of excitement, regardless of their potential consequences. If their partner does not reciprocate (and very few personality types can cope with this), the ENFP may feel unhappy and misunderstood.

ENFPs tend to be passionate and enthusiastic partners, trying really hard to make sure that the other person is happy as they shower them with affection. ENFPs also love hearing compliments, often asking for them indirectly. People with this personality type should keep this trait in check during the dating phase as it is likely to be perceived as neediness by their potential partners.

As already mentioned, ENFPs are very emotional individuals, and this affects their romantic relationships in many ways. Some of the ENFPs’ emotions run quite close to the surface and are easily noticeable, but some are hidden very deep within their minds. This trait may surprise or even shock their partners, who may have thought they had figured everything out. ENFPs tend to be bewilderingly deep and intense individuals, and that intensity is not always apparent.

This is one of the reasons why ENFPs are often quite careful about opening up and committing to their partners; relationships mean a lot to them, and a failed relationship can hurt the ENFP immensely. They may keep asking themselves why the relationship failed when they had been trying so hard to make their partner happy. Such soul-searching can easily crush the ENFP’s self-esteem and plunge them into depression. It is crucial that the ENFP realizes that the success of the relationship is a shared responsibility and they cannot carry the weight alone.

ENFPs tend to be very imaginative and passionate lovers, always happy to explore and experiment. Traditions and schedules are an anathema to ENFPs—they would much rather do something crazy every day than agree to stick to clearly defined roles and intimacy at regular intervals. Furthermore, they can be quite perfectionistic in this area, believing that sexual interaction is something that both partners should see as a great way to share love and affection. ENFPs also tend to be fairly liberal when it comes to intimacy during the dating phase.

Can't keep on loving you from a distance...

00:08

Monday, June 30, 2014,

Hating myself right to the very core.
Why am I such a person

Can't keep on loving you from a distance...

17:07

Great, whole week now without hostel keys. Want pon lecture to finally try n get some sleep also cannot pon properly (Y).

I dont know how I'm gonna do it but I better get my fucking act back together by tmr if i really still want it. If not i can kiss my house guardian goodbye as well.

Can't keep on loving you from a distance...

11:49

Alvin no. 1 is not the direct opposite of Alvin no. 2.
Alvin no. 2 is just an improvement of Alvin No. 1.

An improvement i never got to show.
An improvement i have no will, no spark in me to wanna show anymore.

Can't keep on loving you from a distance...

10:20

If she's not happy being with you then yes, just let her go.
Please, and this please is to yourself Alvin, accept that.

You made things worse after that. Accept that as well, coz it's all your own misdoing. Your own merciless bad mouth that can never say things that make people happy.
Ever.
On two different people already, all my words were venom, slowly and unknowingly suffocating and killing people. First one you could still say it was misunderstanding, but now second one if same problem happens, I think it's high time to look at what the fuck is wrong with the way you speak already Alvin. There are no coincidences.

Once again, you had it in your own hands, Alvin. And you crushed it yourself time and again. Even after separate, u still can crush things even more. Wow Alvin, well done.

It's for the better this way ba. For her.

Assholes with a foul mouth like mine should never have appeared in people's life.

And to you if you still read this, texts is really hard for me to show emotions. And I don't think you would wanna see me appear in front of you in a very long time. But from the bottom of my heart, I sincerely hope life from now on treats you tenfolds and hundredfolds better than I ever did in the past. Be happy always.

And on a sidenote, for the sake of not wanting to hurt another soul in my life ever again, I'm shutting myself up from now on. For good or for worse of myself, I'm sorry but I really just want to avoid hurting another person out there already.

Can't keep on loving you from a distance...

07:44

To me, if it is something I can accept, I'll accept it, be it good or bad.

But too bad Alvin. Good job Alvin. You brought this all upon yourself.
Now too late already. Continue pretend somemore lor, see where it gets you next.

Once bitten twice shy never occurs to you ever hor, Alvin?

Seriously, what the fuck was I thinking these past 3 months.

Can't keep on loving you from a distance...